Marathon and Marriage Musings

Yesterday I ran 14 miles. I have never run that far before! My overall pace was 9:36, which is actually pretty good for me. My half marathon time was 2 hours and 5 minutes, which gives me hope that when I run my race in about a month, I might actually break 2 hours. The conditions yesterday were not that great. The temperature was somewhere around 8 degrees, it was windy, and it was snowing. Luckily there wasn't a lot of snow on the ground, but there were some ice patches. The first three miles were a struggle. At about mile 4 I found myself wondering (as I do at least once on every long run) what the heck I'm doing. Is this marathon business any fun?? At mile 8, as I tried to suck down some nasty carb goo while blowing my nose for the millionth time, I was miserable. Fortunately the misery doesn't last. There's always a point in my runs where everything is working in sync. My legs seem to move of their own accord in perfectly timed paces. My breathing isn't labored, but slow and even. My arms glide smoothly near my hips, and my hands are loose and relaxed. I run this way until I realize it's effortless, and then it's work again. But those exhilarating moments keep me running. I'm completely fascinated with this process of pushing my body and my mind beyond what I ever thought possible for myself. Although I'm looking forward to running without several layers on, there's something cool (like crazy cool) about getting up and just getting it done, regardless of the weather.

I've learned some good lessons in the last 7 weeks of training. I think the next 11 should be pretty good too. Some of those lessons can be applied to other areas of my life, like marriage. One lesson is you can't run a good race if you haven't put in the training. Each training session needs to be treated like an appointment you must keep. If you do that, then the occasional things that crop up won't throw off your weeks of steady training. Time with our spouses should be treated the same way. A marriage has to be a priority or it will not succeed.

Shortly after I finish my first marathon, Kyle and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary. Wow. 10 years. By some standards, that's a marathon marriage. I'm not sure how much quiet reflecting and celebration we'll be able to do, since we'll be moving (for parts STILL unknown) right around then, so I'm kind of thinking of 2008 as a year of celebration, celebration of marriage, graduation, family, and love.

Two ideas that have been mulling around in my head this month. They both relate to marriage and relationships in general. The first comes from an experience I read about in a magazine. A husband and wife were arguing about something rather trivial. Both wanted to be correct in their assertions. Then a thought came to the wife. "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?" She could see clearly that if she always insisted on being right, and always fought to be the winner of every argument, she might not be married. This idea resonates with me. I used to be the one who was right most of the time. Kyle acquiesced to me, gracious man that he is, and I felt triumphant in my little glories. Now I realize I'd rather be married than right, because who really cares about most of the things arguments stem from. The other idea comes from a quote by Marvin J. Ashton, a former apostle from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Here is the quote in its entirety:

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn’t handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

The idea of giving each other the benefit of the doubt or remaining quiet is paramount in marriage. I also love the idea of having patience with someone who has let us down. If we can't have charity with our spouse, who can we extend it to? Sometimes we are hardest on those we love the most. It shouldn't be this way. Kyle is my best friend. Lately, as things have been hard and uncertain, I have felt even closer to him. It's been a good experience to rely on each other more, and to express the love and support we feel from each other.

I could go on and on, and I'm afraid this post isn't as well-written as I expected it to be. Let me end by saying I'm enjoying these two journeys I'm experiencing. My marriage, which will last well beyond May 24th, but which is still sometimes a test of endurance and commitment, and my marathon training, which is teaching me how much my body and mind are capable of. Here's to the journey! Run on.

Amy