So, I'm not sure why I'm confessing my shortcomings as a mother in such a public venue, but I'm hoping to feel a sort of cleansing effect after I tell you of my recent rants. Today I resolved to be a nice mom. I think I did pretty good while Kyle was away golfing, eating filet mignon, and sailing on Lake Michigan at an "accounting conference" this weekend. I took the kids to McDonald's and a school carnival, we picnicked at the park, and we even went to a movie. I let them have popsicles and rice krispy treats, and I yelled only occasionally.
Enter Sunday morning. I stay in bed until 8:45am. Kyle leaves for his church meetings at 10am. I put Kara down for a nap and slip into a pineapple-scented bubble bath. I even resolve to shave my legs. Not long into my bath, but long enough that it's not easy to get out, I hear the sounds of toys being thrown (and missing, but hitting the walls and floors), shrieks of terror, and the stampede of feet up the stairs. Jillian was teasing Hayden and changed the rules on a game at the last minute (nothing new here), so Hayden felt his only recourse was to throw baby toys at her and drive her to her room. After trying (from the bathtub, mind you) to put them both in timeout, I finished my bath, got dressed, and had them meet up for a powwow in the living room. I very calmly discussed why we shouldn't throw toys and tease. Then I read them three stories to show them I loved them. But my hair was quickly drying and needed the blow dryer ASAP. I went upstairs to do that, and Hayden asked if he could go outside and look at nature. You see, on Sundays we try not to ride bikes, play on the playground, or get filthy in the sandbox. I relented.
Seven blissful minutes of patting myself on the back for remaining calm passed as I worked some magic with my round brush.
Enter Jillian. She runs upstairs to tell me Hayden not only got on a bike and began riding it, but rode through a very deep puddle and GOT MUD ALL OVER HIS BACK. His hair was combed, his clothes were pristine (brand new striped polo sweater), and his sandals were clean and dry. As he came upstairs, tracking mud behind him, I lost it. I really did. Spankings were given. Harsh words were spoken. As I asked for an explanation, Hayden told me he forgot about the bike riding rule and that he didn't really realize the puddle was there. My rampage was short-lived, however, and I left Hayden on his bed in his underwear to "think things over." Then the guilt started seeping in. I hate acting on impulse in a negative way. I've worked very hard over the years to control my anger and treat my children with love and kindness, despite the situation. I am usually good. Later, as I was again sitting both of them down and explaining that sometimes it's hard to be a mom, Jillian said "It must be, because you've been yelling a lot." Sigh.
Good news: As I put Hayden to bed tonight (Kyle's gone at another meeting) we forgave each other and I gave him 12 hugs and 12 kisses to wipe away the 4 spankings. I, for one, am thankful for the forgiveness of my sweet little boy. Now I hope I can forgive myself.
Amy
On a side note, I got my hair cut on Friday. It had been three months, and since it's rather short, It needs to be cut fairly often to retain any sort of shape. This is what I said to the woman:
"I'm trying to grow it out a bit, so I don't really want to lose any length. It just needs some shape and style."
This is what she heard:
"Leave a very few pieces of hair the same length and cut about three inches off everywhere else."
It's cute, but short. Sigh. Guess I'm not growing my hair out after all. If I am, I just took three giant steps backwards.
7 comments:
Oh Amy! You are a good mom! You're under a lot of stress lately, what with Kyle finishing up school, you running a marathon, and having to buy a new house and move in a very short amount of time, among a million other things. I can only imagine what it must be like. But I know you. And I know you love your family. And I know you're doing the best you can--because that's how you've always done things. Keep it up! Everyone--parent or otherwise--is going to make a mistake here and there, but the important part is recognizing it and then moving forward, which is just what you're doing. And I think involving your kids in the process, by talking to them and trying to explain, is a great idea.
And I'm sure your hair looks great! I've always liked you with short hair. You'll have to post a picture when you get a chance!
I love you, Amy! :)
OH man, what a day. Kids have got ot be such a blessing and so frustrating at the same time. How does that work? You are a great mom, so don't kick yourself for too long. Every parent loses it now and then. Sorry about the haircut too. That is one reason I have not cut my hair out here yet and I am badly in need of it. My hair is up almost every day because it needs to be cut. Such is the life of living in Michigan I guess.
I actually find a deep and abiding sense of normalness when I read about people I look up to who also sometimes blow it with their kids. Thanks for being human. And remember, you're a great mom and you always have tomorrow to try again.
I know why you are confessing! It's because you hope other people will too, and then you will realize it's really ok and you are doing the best you can. Everyone loses it sometimes. You are a great mom. Don't worry unless you do it so much that your neighbors consider calling CPS. Hee hee. No really, it's ok and I have lost it several times. Over much stupider things.
Hey, there were lots of good parts in that mothering day. I loved the Bean's comment--kids can be way too honest. That's why I find it hard to apologize to them sometimes. Instead of just saying, "That's okay, Mom, we understand," mine say "Yeah. Why ARE you acting so grumpy anyway?"
We all have our moments. You have very few, so your kids are very blessed. And hey, on the plus side, I'll bet he doesn't forget the bike rule again!
Ditto to what your good friends and family said. And we can try to grow out our hair together now! I've been trying for about six years now.
I'm so glad you put a "real" moment on here. I, too, am very grateful that children are so forgiving when I lose it. Understandable, though. You're going through a ton of stress these days. Hang in there. It will be over soon!
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