Musings on Motherhood

A couple of you noticed a post in your readers that isn't posted on the blog. I deleted it. It was a pity post about how sick I've been feeling and how difficult this pregnancy is. But then I thought about it. No matter how hard it is, every pregnancy and every child is a gift. I shouldn't complain. Even though I've had my share of difficulties, in both pregnancy and motherhood, I am very fortunate to be a mother. I will try not to take it for granted.

I can think of four good friends who haven't had the opportunity to be mothers. Marriage hasn't come their way in life yet. For a couple of them, the child-bearing years have passed. And yet, they do wonderful things in their lives. One in particular has had an ongoing fan club of several children for a couple of decades now. Another watched our children several times when we lived in Boston. We enjoyed meals together and loved having an "aunt" as part of our family. I'm grateful for women who use their natural mothering instincts on children throughout their lives, even if their time for children will be in the next life.

Other friends struggle to get, or stay, pregnant. I have some experience with this, but I will be blessed with four children. A good friend of mine here in Oregon had all three of her children due to the medical miracle of in vitro fertilization. She is so great with kids, and even watched mine a couple of weeks ago. Now she opens her home to children who are in need of temporary foster shelter care, lovingly caring for kids who have come from difficult circumstances until a more permanent placement can be found. I've been thinking all month of a friend who is going to try in vitro for the first time soon. I hope it works for her and that her life can be blessed with more children.

Mother's Day is always a mixed bag of emotions for me. I think about my own mother, and the things I've learned from her. I tend to also think about my shortcomings, and how I am far from perfect. I yelled at my kids today. Sigh. Kyle was at a meeting and we had to get to church. The two oldest weren't listening to the tasks I needed them to do. Kara wouldn't go potty. I was trying to scarf down some lunch and remember all my things for YW. It was not my proudest moment.

But things got better. I had some nice snuggles with each of my kids. I read to Jillian from the journal I wrote for her when she was one. She was laughing so hard at all of her forgotten antics. Kyle and I worked together on dinner. He grilled the fish quite nicely and I did some sides. I decided long ago that if I want a day off, I can't have it in my own home with my family around. I'd rather just help out and make the day enjoyable. Jillian, Hayden and I played Old Maid and Go Fish while Kyle started dinner. He did the dishes while I picked up the living room. We both talked to his Mom, and Kara and I made brownies together. It was nice to relax and enjoy being a family.

Sometimes Kyle expresses to me how thankful he is that I am making a sacrifice to be a mother. I'm glad he recognizes that I could be successful in a career somewhere. He said just yesterday that he is excited for the new baby, but also excited not to be the one having it. Yeah, I can see that. Sometimes I wish I wasn't pregnant. There are so many things not getting done. But it's only 40 weeks out of my whole lifetime. And I love the feeling of a little life, kicking and moving around. I know this baby will be a great blessing to our family, and I look forward to meeting her. I'm looking forward to older children, teenagers, and having our grown children have their own children. I'm thankful to be a mother, even if sometimes it's the most difficult thing. I hope all the women I know have had a lovely day.